Lessons from the Play Ground: On the Topic of Farts

I work with nearby schools, YMCA’s and Latchkey programs to teach playground games.  You would be amazed how many schools have a four square court, tether ball court, even a "rover lines" they aren’t using.  So I have been teaching kids to play most these games (Red Rover, and Crack the whip are too dangerous for city kids).

So when a morning latchkey teacher calls in sick I get substitute teacher like calls at 5:30am to go play with kids until school starts.

Today I had a little boy who was constantly making fart noises with his, hands, tongue, arm pit.  It was funny for the first 15 minutes, (rather than 3 it would normally take, because he was quite silly). Then I had the group gather in sit in a circle and we addressed the serious business of farts.

This is the fart talk, and you should have it with your children.

"Children today we need to talk about something very serious, so don’t laugh when I tell you this. Today we are going to talk about why we don’t make fart sounds, or laugh at other peoples farts.  But also why we try not to fart where we shouldn’t. (kids laugh a lot)

I said don’t laugh this is very serious.  You see kids farts are very special.  Farts are the sound we make to let the world we didn’t poo in our pants.  When you make fart sounds that aren’t real, it is like lying.  Telling the world you didn’t poo in your pants, when you didn’t really have that risk.  Many of you may never have pooped your pants since you were little, but it happens.  Someday you will know someone who will start a fart and then it will stop and not sound quite right, and you will know they just pooped.  Imagine how bad they feel when that happens.  Is it nice to laugh when bad things happen to people? (muted no’s from the very somber looking kids)  so this is why we don’t make fake fart sounds"

About 20 minutes later apparently the little boy who had been making fake fart sounds had been trying to make real fart sounds, and came up to me "Mr.. Brandon, can I go to the office? I didn’t fart, I pooped."  I feel sorry that I jinxed this poor kid. 

The school, and the name of the children have been left out of this post to protect the innocent.