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Organic Dating Vs. Dating Online

For me at least the hardest thing about online dating is the schedule at which I am expected comply.  Dating in the real world, you flirt with someone at the office, or a friend of a friend, and slowly you decide you want to ask them out.  In most cases you have known this person some weeks, and you know something about them. 

With Online Dating you trust that the service has weeded out the people you wouldn’t be interested in, and so you are expected on your first date to be much more about chemistry than get to know you’s.

Growing up in a small community this is the biggest change in dating for me.  I don’t do bar pick ups, or one night stands, and so even people I am deeply attracted to may not get a kiss at the end of the night.  This creates problems with people who are used to a more physical or chemical first date.

online dating is hard. Cupcake filled with pudding and topped with cream cheese frosting I have tried hard to find a blend in the on and offline dating styles, but find that if I spend too much time doing get to know you things prior to the first meeting I may create too much familiarity and the expectation that we are starting the chemistry stage of dating.  If I don’t do enough then the entire date is spent in an interview process that makes it neither fun nor an experience either would like to repeat.

This is my primary dislike of online dating.  

The second dislike of online dating is that the fact that you don’t have shared social ties from work, or friends makes it easier to send an email to end the session.  Even if I find I don’t have interest in a girl, for me it is important that I tell her  face to face, or at minimum by phone.  This is likely just a throw back to my small community dating where you have to be a good break up, or everyone would know and you would never get another date, but it makes dating personal.  When dating becomes just a profile and a picture it is too easy to not care about the people.

I went through a phase where I forgot these rules, it was fun, but didn’t create any relationships beyond a few dates, and so I went back to the slower pace.  I’m not 100% certain how to advise readers of this post, because the problem is that if you are not playing by the same rules as the other person you might miss out on someone really great because they have difference expectations than you do for what will happen on your dates.