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Brandon Wirtz is Great In Bed: Top Awesome Reasons Brandon Wirtz Is Single

This post is specifically for Autumn Lawson Hill BooBoo, Lindsey Moran, and Missy Anne Pifer who asked

"Why is such an Awesome Guy Like Brandon Wirtz still single?"

5. Living around Brandon Wirtz is dangerous.  When Brandon fixes things there are sparks, flames, and occasionally explosions.  Ask Erin Michael Vondrak and Ivy Lauren Radicans how simple pumpkin carving lead to Brandon losing an Eye Brow, part of his bangs, and all of his knuckle hair.

4. Living around Brandon Wirtz is dangerous. While this may be a bit of a repeat from the previous point, this is more about at a certain point most girls want to have babies.  Having babies around the sparks, flames, explosions, and pieces of the toaster that Brandon modified to put the Halo logo on the toast is dangerous for these desired offspring. Apparently even though they only take about 9 months to replace, girls are very attached to the child they have so if there is a high turn over due to damaged babies the mom gets annoyed.Brandon Wirtz is Great In Bed

3. Competition with Nala.  While Brandon’s relationship with his cat is purely platonic. (well they do cuddle) It can be hard to compete with Nala. She’s very cute, she has a dragon costume. She very rarely complains, and she is very low maintenance.  That can be intimidating for many girls.

2. The Stigma of having paid for the Girl Friend Experience.  No Brandon doesn’t hire hookers, but for a while Brandon did have an "imaginary" girlfriend who he paid to attend events and make videos. Clean videos about SEO. 

1. Brandon Wirtz is great in bed.  When you are around someone so great in bed you also never want to leave bed. Since Brandon can do a lot of his work in bed, at what ever hours and do a totally awesome job at it (which is why he is great in bed), the girl he dates often believes she can spend all her time in bed, which leads to her losing her job, taking up poor shower habits, and not exercising.   Who really wants to date a fat, smelly, unemployed girl?

There you have it. Perfectly acceptable reasons why Brandon Wirtz is single.  It’s not you, It’s me has never been more true.